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A couple months back I desperately kind of wanted to go see 50 Shades Of Grey after work. The majority of my pals were screening my calls otherwise occupied so I took it upon myself to go solo.

I snagged up a bottle of whiskey buttery chard, marched my single ass to the Embarcadero Center Cinema, threw down what was left in my bank account like bones for gummi bears, popcorn and a microwaved hot dog, ventured to the back of the theater and found a seat amongst a sea of sexed up couples. I felt liberated as I deepthroated munched on my hot Horny San Francisco girls blog, Horng the fact that the couple next to Francusco was rounding third 8 minutes into the movie.

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Silver linings aplenty, my friends. Sure, some people take these apps seriously but others simply want to get laid — especially peeps on Tinder, which is what makes it so entertaining.

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My laugh lines have become wildly noticeable since I discovered Tinder gifls the horny little bastards that use it. Orchestrating responses to some of these squirrels in desperate need of a nut is fun to quite fun. Not unless I had a really, really tolerant boyfriend.

Bottom line: When I was little I wanted to be a detective. Piecing together different parts of a story in an effort to solve a crime intrigued me and it still does.

When did I last feel my missing earring on my ear? Where is my virginity shoe?

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How did I get this weird, white sticky substance lip gloss on my eye brow? Who is this warm body next to me?

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You Horny San Francisco girls blog be in a sauna playing pick-up stix with your butt cheeks whilst blaring Kenny G. Sorry for yelling. In closing, I would like to assert and this applies to each one of us, single or attached that the older I Francissco the more I realize that my most important relationship is the one I have with my vibrator Number 1.

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I write Frandisco comedy blog called Toe Pick SF. I am deathly afraid of flying and snakes I suspect there's some kind of Freudian explanation behind that.

I speak Gibberish fluently and quite often. I love 80's love songs I can blow bubbles bigger than Donald Trump's ego.

I lose my shoes, debit card and keys a lot. I'd venture to guess they're all on an island Hormy mocking my predicaments. Okay, that's about it.

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